Marriage is a big deal! Before you agree to spend your life with someone, you should know your partner inside and out.
I wrote this list of compatibility questions to ask your partner before you tie the knot.
What you do not want is to begin your marriage with someone who remains a mystery.
When you find out their true feelings on certain important subjects, you could completely regret your choice. It’s better to get it all out in the open.
5. Do You Want Kids?
Make sure you’re on the same page when it comes to having children.
This subject is non-negotiable. Don’t agree to have children if you do not want them – you might not be the best parent if you’re feeling resentful of your partner.
After all, children are a huge responsibility. Don’t agree to forgo having children just because your partner doesn’t want any.
Your child could bring you so much light and joy. Don’t skip out on that just because you want to make it work with your partner.
Find someone who has the same views on having children. They’re out there, I promise! Be true to yourself.
4. Do You Want the Kids to Grow Up With Religion?
If someone has strong religious values and you do not, it has the potential to come between your relationship.
However, if you ask the right questions, it doesn’t necessarily have to drive a wedge between you and your partner. If you plan to have children, ask your partner if you want to take them to a church/temple/synagogue/mosque.
Do you want them to grow up with religious values, such as celibacy before marriage or having a Bat/Bar Mitzvah? Do you want to instill a belief of heaven and hell? Do you want them to pray multiple times per day?
You might be able to accept your partner’s religion wholeheartedly, even if it vastly different than your own. But don’t forget to ask about the way you want your hypothetical kids to be raised.
3. Where Do You Want To Live?
If your partner wants to raise his/her kids in California near their mother and you want to continue your career in New York City, that poses a huge issue.
If you want to move to take care of your aging parent, raise your hypothetical kid near your family, or move for your career, be upfront.
Transparency will only help you out in the long run. Even if you two break up, you’re being honest with yourself and your partner.
It’s okay to have priorities. Just make sure you communicate them to your partner.
2. What Are Some Ways I Can Be There For You When You’re Really Stressed Out?
Having a partner who withdraws at the first sign of stress can be extremely challenging.
If you or your partner knows that they need space when they’re going through a hard time, it might be best to say that before something goes wrong. Share a few things that your partner could do for you when you’re stressed out.
Do you want a massage? Do you want them to help you wash the dishes and cook a meal? Do you want to talk about what’s wrong? Do you need to get out of your home and go for a walk?
Everyone copes differently. Be straightforward about your needs in your relationships.
1. What Are Your Financial Goals?
It’s important to talk about money. If you notice that they have high financial goals, but don’t know how to budget, try to politely say something about that.
You could say “I realize you want to save up for a house and yet your credit score is low because you continue to pay your bills late. Maybe we could write down the due dates on a giant calendar.”
Or you could say, “Instead of going out to eat five nights per week, let’s go grocery shopping so we can cook tonight. I know that you want to save up money to move out.”
There are always kind ways to approach sensitive topics.
I hope that you ask your partner these questions before you get married.
These are not topics that you can overlook.
Sure, you might not want to ask about kids within the first three months of dating, yet, you don’t want to waste your precious time either!
Having open and honest dialogue at the start of the relationship is key.